Reflections on a goal

I tried twice to get to a 10K less in than an hour.  My first attempt left me at 62.21 but it was after a difficult few days.  So I thought I would try again and went to the Chester Cut and Run 5k/10K thinking it was flatter than the Bluenose Course.  It  fact, it was not.  My results for this was not significantly better, and I finished in 61.43.  It’s a new personal best, but I still did not make my hour.

I am not exactly sure how to feel about all of this.  I won this make over contest a few days after my best friend died of breast cancer.  A week or so later Mum was diagnosed with cancer, and the make over ended with her death.  Working with the iRun team turned out to be a very positive thread through a fairly dark time.  It was hard for me to stay positive and engaged sometimes, as Mum’s health declined and I needed and wanted to be more attentive to her. During this same time I started a new job with a long commute, making it difficult to get my runs in. 

What I learned is that if you want to fit healthy activities in, you can.  I ran at 5.00 am before I started my commute because I could not  do runs in the evenings.  My mind relaxed into the runs helping me cope with whatever needed coping with.  I also learned that it is vital to take care of my health, because it can turn into bad health in a second.  This process is not about being fast, its about protecting the thing on which the rest life rests, health.  I believe our socieity does not value important things, and turns to foolishness to feel better about difficulties.  Canadians complains about our quality of life, when we have so much that most of the world does not.  When my friend was dying of cancer, leaving her two little boys (5 and 2) behind, she was so annoyed when she saw others not taking care of themselves and squandering the gifts of health.

So even though I failed to achieve my goal, I suceeded in increasing my fitness and confidence, in managing life’s obstacles with healthy, reasonable choices instead of hiding in ice cream or other glutunous behaviors ( and I love glutony).  An hour is doable for me with more training, which is something I would not have said 3 months ago.

When I was running today, one of motivating factors was thinking of my mum in her last days.  Dying is hard work, especially if you want to leave in a way which exemplifies the way you lived.  Both Mum and my friend went out not in a panic, or angry but leaving memories of hard work and perseverance, of achievement in the face of obstacles, of fighting a losing battle with grace,  and most importantly to me, with humour.  Life can be hard, running is often hard but sticking with it to the end, regardless if the end is a personal best or if you are the last person across the line takes real character. I will never run a 10K inf 45 minutes (probably) but does that mean I shouldn’t try.  My character was built a bit by this experience and that is in part why I run now.  That and the fact that I need to work off the rhubarb crisp that is for supper tonight.

 I have thanked iRun so many times, and Tania, Lauren and my other teammates, Brock and Aleks so much that it is now starting to sounds a bit over the top.  This blog has also been really helpful so I would also like to thank those of you who have read it, sent words of encouragement or said something nice to me over the last few months.  I believe in the power of community and there is a running community out there which I am just beginning to see.

Thanks everyone.

Chrystal