Since I began this Runner Makeover I have PB-ed (or is it PR-ed?) twice. The first one was just a couple weeks into the makeover, when Coach Tania was still trying to get a handle on what the heck to do with me.

The day before the Hypothermic Half Marathon she told me to “run hard but stay in control and respect the conditions” (it was cold, snowy and slippery here in Edmonton). So, I did what I was told.

I saw many a runner bite the dust (more like ‘bite the ice’) during that race but I stayed on my feet and managed to finish in 1:40:50. I placed 8^th overall, 5^th in my gender and 3^rd in my division. I was over the moon! I had PR-ed (or is it PB-ed?) by almost 14 minutes (1:54:05 in Vancouver ’09).

Tania’s strategy for me is to run faster for a few shorter races before I tackle another full marathon (and try to qualify for Boston) so I also signed up for the St. Patrick’s Day 10km this past weekend. Once again it was a narrow, slippery and snowy race. I watched as many runners lost their footing and went down hard on the ice and snow, all the while wondering when it was going to happen to me…

I managed to stay on my feet and finished in 45:20. I placed 10^th overall, 5^th in my gender and 1^st in my division! That morning I got a medal and a PB (or is it PR?) of 8 minutes (53:54 at the same race in ’09).

For years before this makeover began I had dreams of doing a 1:45 half marathon and to someday do a 10k in 45 minutes but I had no idea how to get there. Yes, I do coach other racers and have a decent bag of tricks to throw at them but I had run out of ideas and (more importantly) faith in my own abilities. Holla to iRun Magazine and this makeover for hooking me up with Tania, Adidas and Lauren. My faith is back and I am ready to PR (or is it PB?) may way into Boston.

I think an individual’s potential might be limitless. It’s cliche, but the only thing holding you back is yourself. Your fear, your inhibitions, your preconceived notions.

What if we were to dream big? What would you say if someone asked you what you would love to do more than anything?

We all have our priorities, and those are important. My biggest goal in life is to raise my daughters to be strong, independent, confident women. I don’t care what sports they play or if they’ll get straight A’s in school. I just want them to love themselves as they are in this mixed up and confusing world. That’s all. That’s the most important thing. I wish them happiness and love and children and a positive life-long relationship with a supportive and loving partner, yes. But above all else, I want them to love themselves.

Teaching them to love themselves involves more than talking. They absorb so much from what they see, what they sense in our home. I am such a huge influence on them, on their perception of women, their perception of relationships, of mothers, of how one should treat other people. That’s an immense responsibility. It scared me at first, when I held Leila in my arms as a newborn, to realize all that parenting involved. What if I messed up? What if I couldn’t do it?

I’m far from perfect, and I have definitely messed up at times. I’m honest about my flaws, and they usually rear their ugly heads when I’m very tired and trying to make dinner and the kids are whining. Sometimes I growl at them when they don’t deserve it, sometimes I let them watch too much tv. Sometimes I send them to bed early because I can’t wait any longer for some quiet.

Failure is ripe with emotional connotation. But I think that one of the most important things to realize is that failure isn’t permanent. Did I fail at my 32k run yesterday? Yes. Do I fail my children sometimes by losing my temper or lacking patience? Yes. But I’m not a failure as a runner. I’m not a failure as a mother.

We all struggle, it’s part of life. We struggle because somethings are hard and we have lessons to learn and we need to gain perspective and for a million other reasons. But there is always a new day to try again. The most important thing to remember is that you can keep trying. The moments that I yell at my children are far outnumbered by the moments we laugh and read books or play dollies together. The bad runs are far outnumbered by the good runs.

So what if someone asked me to make an outrageous goal? What if I asked that of myself?

What if, at nearly 30, the very first thing I put on my Bucket List was to run a marathon in every province and territory?

What if I thought that I just might be able to do it?

32k this morning! I set out at an early hour, snow in the air, wind cold on my cheeks. But I warmed up eventually and enjoyed the sun on the ocean, the sparkling blue. Even the snowflakes, as they swirled around me, never seeming to amount to anything on the ground were pretty. Even at the end of March.

10k down. 20k down. Two miserable disgusting Gu gels packs (choked) down. And then the pain set in.

I’ve been having some trouble with my leg. A weird sore spot in the middle of my quad. It’s not knee or hip pain, but I can’t seem to stretch it and can’t seem to shake it. An easy 6k yesterday felt fine, and I thought maybe it had gone away as mysteriously as it had come.

But at 21k it came back with a vengeance, eventually spreading through my entire quad and into my hip. Remember how I mentioned the last 7k of my run is uphill? I stopped and stretched (to no avail), ran for a couple of minutes and then pulled my phone out of my pocket and called my husband. He picked me up at 28.5k.

I climbed into the car and tears sprang to my eyes. Because dammit!

He reminded me that bad runs are part of it, that bad runs are what makes marathon training so hard. That I am so close I could reach my goal already, I just need to concentrate on avoiding injury. That I’m not injured, just sore. I know. I know, I sniffed. But still, dammit.

He filled the tub for my ice bath in our kids’ bathroom. And he took their bath crayons and wrote on the walls:

And then I really cried.

This was my first really hard run, where I battled both physical pain and mental walls. This was the first run that I’ve questioned how on earth I’m going to make it to 42.2. This is the first time I’ve wondered if maybe I can’t do it.

I guess what I love about this is also what I hate about it. I love being able to push myself farther, but I hate having to push myself farther. Does that make any sense at all? I love the feeling I’m left with, but hate having to accept pain and self-doubt as a part of the equation. In a way, I wish it were easier. But if it were, I know that it wouldn’t mean nearly so much to me.

So, next Friday I’ll aim for 32k again. Because that’s what this lesson is about: failing, crying, and then getting up and trying again.

Olympic bronze medallist Priscilla Lopes-Schliep has announced that there will be some hiccups – and possibly some cravings – in her training for the 2012 Olympics.  In an interview with the Toronto Star, the 28-year old hurdler announced that she and husband Bronson Schliep are having a baby.

Don’t think this means she’ll be slacking off, however.  While her training has been adjusted for the pregnancy, she still plans to go for the Gold in London.  The baby is due on September 23, and according to her coach, Anthony McCleary, as long as there are no complications, she should have plenty of time to train.

Lopes-Schliep told the Star: “I love a challenge. It will give me something to dig that much deeper for. I’ll have that little person I’m trying to be a good role model to.”

Now that my long runs are officially Long (yes, caps), I’ve become a lot more focused on food. Partly because I am hungry a lot more and partly because I’m very focused on fueling properly the day before and day of (including recovery eating) Long Runs.

I go with the standard pasta dinner the night before. Ok actually? I let myself eat as much as I want the day before a long run. Partly because I know that my body is going to need a lot of energy the next day and partly because, well, at what other time in my life am I going to be able to rationalize Tostitos as “carbo loading”?

Anyway, my body goes into this pre-run hunger state, and I am often really hungry Thursday (day before), Friday (day of) and Saturday (day after). By Sunday and for the rest of the week my appetite goes back to its usual levels (marathon training levels, that is).

My kids are sick today. Well, my two year old is sick. And the past two days have been long and tiring and I kind of forgot that I had 32km looming. I didn’t eat as much as I usually do, and wonder how this will play out tomorrow during my run. I had one really bad experience training for my first marathon when I tried to do an epically long run and had only eaten two english muffins and some salad the day before (long story). It was…. a disaster to put it lightly.

That experience is forever burned into my memory as “Lesson Learned the Hard Way” and I am, admittedly, paranoid about the same thing happening again.

This is where you give me your advice, fellow runners. What do you eat the day before a long run? The day of? The day after? And do you use marathon training as an excuse to eat as many Tostitos as I do?