Crash and Burn

I’ve been running regularly for about 5 years now and as with most newbie runners, I dove in head first. I became, well, a little obsessed. I loved that I was improving my speed and strength, I was thrilled when I clocked my first double digit run and I was euphoric when I surpassed the 10 mile mark.

However, most of these accomplishments were very goal-driven. I have considered myself goal-oriented, (it says so right on my resume) but I didn’t think I was ‘driven’.

Last year I set a crazy goal to run 1,0110 kms. This was based on nothing other than it sounded like a good number to ring in  2011. Considering that I lacked training and a solid support system to get me there, well, I just didn’t get there. I did manage to run over 700 kms last year, so yes, that’s an accomplishment. I don’t look back on that year as a failure; I see it as a lesson.

It took me a while to learn that lesson. Most of my running is goal based; training for a race, setting a time goal, setting a distance goal. Every training run has a purpose. If I don’t log at least 30mins of steady running I feel it was a waste of time.

I slowly lost interest in pursuing those goals. The pressure was just too much. Mind you, it’s pressure I put on myself, so I have no one else to blame. And blame I did.

Long story short, I wasn’t  running with purpose, in fact I wasn’t really running at all. Which made me feel guilty.

It’s really hard to run with 5 months of guilt on your back.

So…I lost my run-love. You know what I mean? I had to readjust my thinking. My fresh new outlook on running is to lose the guilt and find a new purpose to running. To remember to run for the enjoyment of it, to strengthen my body and have some ‘me’ time.

Have you ever lost your run-love? How did you get it back?