Finding the Fire

The Fire: the ability that some (often insane looking) individuals carry to push themselves to the brink of their physical limits when engaging in activities such as running, Cross Fit, triathlons, etc.

I struggled with pushing myself physically when I started running in 2008. I plodded along, happy to be out, but never really happy about my pace. But that’s me, I’d think, I’m just not fast. I just don’t have the fire. I’m all about the journey. Except I wanted the fire. I admired the fire. I envied the fire.

Through training for a bunch of long distance races and getting stronger and more confident, I would sometimes see sparks, but still no fire. I struggled to push myself past a certain threshold when I was alone. Swimming, biking, running, it was all the same. Pain = Kaitlyn stops.

When I ran the Army Half in Ottawa last September, something magical happened. I lit on fire. It was one of the most awesome days and races of my life. I just ran and ran as fast as I could and when I started feeling pain, I just didn’t stop and eventually the pain stopped registering in my head and something went clickboom and I lit on fire.

When it was over, there was nothing left. I had nothing left. And it was so amazing. My lungs hurt and my head felt really funny for the last 3k and I wasn’t completely sure that my legs were going to hold out but that fire, it was there.

The same thing happened today on a very cold and hilly route for the Hypothermic Half in Halifax. My husband and I ran together and for the first 8k, I had a loose goal of wanting to crack two hours. And then at the turn around point, when we were cruising ahead of the two hour pace bunny, things went clickboom again and I started salivating for 1:54. For a personal best.

We came in at 1:57, which due to conditions (soooo many hills and frigid temps), was actually harder fought than my 1:55 at Army Half.

While we were running I realized that the fire was there.

All along, I’ve been thinking that there was no fire inside of me, no real drive to leave my heart out on the road. But that wasn’t the case at all. It may not have come naturally, I worked hard to find it, but I did. I lit that fire.

I think that there is something that lights everyone’s fire, something that makes you feel so passionate and powerful that you could explode. It may be your job (if it is, lucky you), it may be writing or running or Cross Fit or learning a new language. It’s something that fills you up and makes you feel happy and good about yourself. Something that makes the rest of the world fall away for a while as you laugh and enjoy.

Once you find that thing that sets you on fire, I think that’s what you need to do with your life. That’s why I love coaching so much, because I really feel that I’m “supposed” to help people discover the strength that lives within them through physical fitness. I know that not everyone finds the fire through their sneakers on the road, but some people will. And if I can help them realize that there is so much more potential inside of them than they knew, who knows where their road will take them.

My own fire burns me up sometimes, especially on nights like tonight, when I’m still glowing from a great race. But I want everyone to light their own fire, to feed the flames and let their gut lead the way.