My younger daughter is two and a half. I understand about 90% of what she says. She’s out of diapers, out of a crib. She runs and jumps and climbs and torments her sister and showers us with “I love you’s”. But her body still holds the softness of a baby. The shape of her arms as she reaches across the table, “Mo’ gapes peeeeeese!!” She’s my last baby, we won’t have any more, and as she grows too quickly (as children are want to do), some days it seems like so much time has slipped through my hands already.
There’s no point in trying to catch it, as it runs, fine like sand, between my fingers and disappears, so I try to embrace these moments and make futile promises to myself that I’ll never, ever forget this wonderful toddler, the little girl that is starting to bud. I will forget, because that’s part of the cruelty of time.
For so many reasons, it feels like my little family is moving onto a new chapter, one that is pregnant with hope and expectation and possibility. But sometimes it makes me feel lost. You see, I spent the past five years having babies and nursing babies and caring for babies and now, even though my children are still very young, there are no diapers, no cribs, everyone can talk and be lectured to use their manners. Not that this is bad in any way… just different. But where does that lead me? Where do I fit now?
Exactly where you are, my husband answered me, Here, with us.
Just like I always have.
But I got to thinking as I lay in bed last night, that this year calls for some resolutions. Big, scary goals. I’m compiling a list, still, but my main one (as it applies here) is to run the Ottawa Marathon in May. In four hours and fifteen minutes. And to raise $7,000.00 for a charity along the way (haven’t decided which one yet).
Running makes me feel strong. Feeling strong makes me believe that I am strong, physically and mentally. Feeling strong mentally is what allows me to be the mother and wife and student and person that I want to be.
What about you? What are your goals (physical and/or otherwise) and how are you going to get there?