We interrupted your regularly-scheduled complaining about marathon training to bring you…desperate brides using nasal feeding tubes to slim down before their weddings? This story has been making the rounds for the last few days. The idea is that for 10 days, you take nutrition only through a nasal tube, resulting in an intake of 800 calories per day (far below the recommended minimum for women of 1200). The result can be a loss of 5, 10 or even 20 pounds, although I suspect most of that will be water. Oh, and by the way, the privilege of walking around all day with a tube up your nose and carrying your daily calories in a bag comes with the hefty price tag of $1500. I assume the nasal tube would be removed before the bachelorette or rehearsal dinner.
Part of me wonders if the original source just dug up the one woman who had this done and proclaimed the existence of a trend (in the same way that a story going round last year about teens pouring vodka into their eyes to get super-drunk was also largely fabricated). Part of me thinks that alternately making fun of brides and glorifying them has become a spectator sport as the wedding industry tops $4 billion in Canada and any sense of normal expectations about the “Big day” goes out the window. And part of me is very glad that I’m marathon-training right now so nasal tubes dispensing 800 calories are completely out of the question, even if I could figure out how to run with one.
I think my view can be summarized in a joke that the Daily Show included in their recent book Earth: “A bride had to pick just the right dress; otherwise, everyone at the wedding would come up to her and say, “Yikes, you look awful today.” Personally, I suspect that the success of my wedding will be based on the quality and quantity of food and booze, not the flabbiness of my triceps.